


Purity in silence

by Hoho_TheFool



Series: The Unspoken Tales [5]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crush at First Sight, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, References to Depression, Secret Crush, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 12:29:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20907686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoho_TheFool/pseuds/Hoho_TheFool
Summary: (More than) One month after the fight against Pennywise, Stan begins to act weird- the Losers are worried about him~(Warning: Depression and self harm)





	Purity in silence

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh idk I just felt like doing that

The final fight was one month ago- and finally everyone was healing. 

Even the wounds on Stans face were gone. Only some scars were left.  
Scars which would remind him of what happened- for the rest of his life.  
They all really tried their best to get their shit together. They tried to meet up as often as possible to share their thoughts.

But some things were still left unspoken.  
And especially Stan had them worried.  
He wasnt the loudest of them all- but he also was never this quiet.

It just happened suddenly. The last day they saw him he seemed happy- never thought that something like this would follow.

But they cared to much to let it unspoken.

Bill was the first one to ask him.  
"Stan- I... w-we all were w-wondering if everythings a-alright with you? Are y-you ok?"  
Stan wasnt prepared for it, he just looked around in his friends group in confusion- didnt know how to answer because for him, for them, he wanted to be fine. To be ok.  
"I'm good. Thanks. But why do you ask?"  
"Because one day you were happy and now... youre like this." Eddie said, while dealing with some shit Richie was doing, muttering some swear words.  
"Like this? Like how?"  
It was Mikes turns. "Like... very lost in thoughts." Ben nooded to it.  
"Everybody has a bad day sometimes. Dont you think?"  
It was followed by silent noods- but they all knew well enough that it wasnt just one bad day.

And they were right. He didnt change. And it made them even more worried.

They were at the Quarry, in the water, the first time it happened. The first time they didnt know what to do. But it wasnt the last time.

Stan was the only one who wasnt in the cold blue water, that too worried the others. He instead was sitting at the small rock near by it- watching his friends having the time of their life, reading a book. And suddenly, it just hitted him.  
The realisation that he could have lost his friends that day- that they could have died because of this psychopathic clown- hit him right in his face. It wasnt the best time, not the best moment and he hated himself for tearing the good mood down- everyone was laughing until they heard the soft sobs.  
They all turned their heads in Stans direction, seeing him sitting there- looking completely lost, with the tears streaming down his face. He tried to calm down as quick as possible, to wipe away the tears- but his friends were faster and his tears and emotions too.

Bev got out of the water first and sat down next to him, followed by the others. Bev was like the mother of the group- always the first one when something was wrong. Always the one who understood the fastest.

"Whats wrong?" She placed a hand on his head and patted it. He didnt flinched, still tried to wipe the tears away.  
"I dont know I... I just... my mind just keeps showing me pictures of you... all dead. We could have died that day..."  
Everyone looked a bit shocked, but Bev just smiled.  
"Well... we could have but we didnt. Because as a team we're strong enough to defeat who ever we want."  
Stan just starred at the pages of the book, trying to calm himself down by thinking how stupid his behavior was now.  
"I'm so sorry to bring the mood down like this. You should get back to where you all stopped." He whispered.  
"No. We wont. Not until you stop crying and not until you stop making us worry." This time it was Richie. And his words were so true. It was like the first time he said something without joking.  
"We see whats going on with you- we noticed the change right away." Eddie said.  
"Was it really that obvious?"  
"Well yeah it was."

Stan smiled a bit- and then Bill touched his hand, seeing Stan like this made him upset. Very upset. He was used to his his emotional outbursts but this time it was so different. It was pure and full of worries. He wasnt mad at anyone- he looked so different.  
"We will h-help you through i-it. Thats a promise."  
Stan smiled more. But he was still hurt inside- and his friends knew.

  
"Lets go back home." Ben said, just one hour later. Stan was still a mess and his eyes still red but he finally could see straight again. They nooded in agreement, packed up their things and headed back on the road, separating. Stan was ready to leave to but Bill stopped him right away.

"If you want... you... can come over. M-my parents arent home... until tomorrow morning."  
Stan tiled his head slightly.  
"I... dont know. I cant. Probably."

Eben if he looked like he was ok- he wasnt. His strange behavior wasnt the only thing that changed. It was summer- and he was still wearing long sleeves.

"Why not?"  
"My father wont let me I guess. I should go now." He forced a smile on his face.  
"Maybe next time." There still was it. This forced smile. Bill saw it clearly- and he didnt want to let Stan go like this.

So he grabbed his arm- he didnt put much force in it but it made Stan flinch anyway. He hissed out a quiet breath and pulled his arm away- rubbig it slightly.

"W-what was that S-stan...?" Bill sounded worried, tried not to stutter.  
"What was what? Its my arm."  
"How you... r-reacted to it. Why?"  
"I just hit my arm by accident. Hurts a little- you know."

Bill nooded- didnt want to bother him more. He wanted to leave him alone, to let him go. But when he saw the red on his sleeve he knew he couldnt let him go. Not now and not like this.

"Whats this?" He pointed at the red spot on Stans sleeve. He heard him swearing a little "shit".  
"Blood... I guess?" He wanted to sound like he doesnt know.  
"Why? Were does it come from, Stan?"  
"I dont know?"  
They both didnt notice that Bill didnt even stuttered once.  
"Stan what is it? What did you do?"

Stan turned away from him.  
"Nothing." He rubbed the blood away as it dripped down his hand.  
"Youre to honest t-to be a good l-liar. Youre hurting yourself."  
"I'm not." He stepped away from his friend, tears starting to surface up again. Sobs escaping him.

And then he felt a soft hug around him.

"I told you. We will help. Thats a promise. What ever it is. Thats w-why we're friends."

Stan returned the hug, tried to calm down.  
"Lets get h-home... and take c-care of your wounds."

Stan followed him home in silence, to awkward to speak a word. As they arrived home at Bills he straight went to the bathroom to get the first aid kit, leaving the other boy awkwardly standing in the floor.

"Lets go to my room." He heard Bill saying and Stan followed him up. His arm hurt likr hell, it was burning.

They sat down on the floor.  
"Show m-me please..." he held out his hand.  
Stan looked at it, feeling a bit uncomfortable.  
"You dont have to feel uncomfortable." Bill smiled a bit.  
"Fine." Stan rolled up his sleeve, revealing a deep cut which was bleeding again.  
"Oh Stan..." the other boy sighed.  
"Why?"  
Stan looked down.  
"I dont know."  
"I-is it b-vecause of IT...?"  
"No... it was more than one month ago... how can it be related to this thing...?"  
"Then... why...?"  
Stan shrugged.  
"Dont tell anyone."  
"I wont. B-but... shat ever b-bothers you... what e-ever it is... I'll ... we'll help you. I promise."

Stan smiled.  
"And what ever keeps you up at night... you have us Bill...~"

They both smiled at each other as Bill fixed the bandages.

_And what remains is the shadow of my past_  
_I look in the mirror and hate what I see_  
_I don't recognise my face anymore_  
_And wonder where all of my dreams are gone_  
_Feeling lost and empty_  
_I know I can't turn back time_  
_But I just don't want to give up_  
_I can't give up._

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics at the end are from Lacuna Coils new single "Save Me"


End file.
